oorah | ( OPEN ) Frank Castle

[ her first initial reaction is that uh, yeah. it's fucking terrible. but she stops herself when she catches a glimpse of his face and can't help but laugh slightly. ]

I mean, I don't know. It's never bad at the beginning and mostly during it's... [ she shakes her head softly in her hand. ] In the end, when they're suddenly gone.

[ she brings her other hand up to her mouth and puts the corner of her thumb against her lip while glancing off to the side. ] I just assume if something is going okay in my life there's an inevitable destruction that comes with it.

[ it hits him like a physical blow to his guts, though he has to wonder - what the middle is like? when she trailed off a minute there. his only relationship long enough to have a "during" was his marriage and he'd been overseas for so much of it, he's really not sure he can comment in any authoritative way. ]

Yeah, we both have that goin' for us. [ if they don't wreck things, the world will for them. he turns away from her just a little, enough that one eyeball is on her and one is on katharine hep. he laces his hands across his stomach and heaves out a little sigh. ] But it's important for me... not to have regrets anymore. And if I never saw you again...

[ he'd regret the fuck out of that. ]

[ that comment stops her and she stares at him, heart leaping in her chest while resisting the urge to ask him why. she's not naive, though. if he's anything like her, she knows why. why she thought it would be easy and how she never would have thought it would create some weird kind of bond between them.

but she's learning, and she swallows knowing that tonight only reaffirmed it's not the only reason why. it's a big reason, but she actually enjoys being around him--that part is easy. ]

Does this mean you want to keep seeing me? [ it's such a simple and innocent question, but after earlier she really thought things were as good as done. ]

[ she sounds so uncertain it shatters something behind his breastbone. that gets him to turn fully away from the screen, the leg on the floor lifting to tap her ankle with his. ]

That's exactly what it means. [ he sounds a little vulnerable too, his voice half an octave higher than it ever usually might be. she affects him in ways he can't and doesn't want to analyze, but as long as it's mutual (and so far, it seems to be) he's okay with that. ] I thought making you dinner and practically bullying you to come over would have clued you in.

[ for once, she actually takes a nice comment towards her without immediately popping up with defensive insults or snark. his words "It's not that bad, is it?" ring in her head and she silently agrees with it.

he makes her smile and she lowers her head quickly to hide it. ]

To be fair, I just assume if someone willingly wants to be around me something has to be wrong with them.

[ he grins and curls his other leg under him which shifts him closer to her by an inch or two incidentally. ]

Oh, there's definitely something wrong with me. [ that was never in dispute. ]

Oh, absolutely. [ she agrees, purposely sliding herself up against him while resting her head into his shoulder. ] But that's just another thing we have in common.

[ oh. his heart is pounding fast, even as his smile settles into something softer and more sustainable. one big hand comes up to cup the back of her head and he tips forward to rest his chin against her temple. ]

I guess that's true.

[ she's surprised, because not only can she hear his heart beating she can actually feel it pumping out of his chest. she should be flattered, she's sure the only thing that gets his heart going like this anymore is rage and adrenaline. she should be, but it just leaves her... more confused, than anything? and she's not really sure why.

bringing a single hand up she places it on his chest over his heart and rests it there, unsure of what to say. ]

Should I be this close to you?

[ his gaze tips down to watch her hand settle over his heart, leaning the tiniest amount into her touch. there's not much space between them anymore anyway. her question earns a tiny puff of air against her face in bemusement. ]

Why not?

[ his response earns him his own small laugh back at him, fingers curling against his chest slightly. it was a good enough answer, though, because she doesn't want to move away from him anyway. despite the conversation they just had, and how they probably should. ]

I guess it doesn't really matter. We're already this far into this shit.

That's the spirit.

[ if it's condescending, it's only because he's joking even as he smacks a kiss against the side of her head. frank shifts one of his legs under hers, his free hand closing around her waist as he holds her against his chest. he thought he would never have this again, would never want it again, but here he is. maybe he really is just lonely, but if they can solve that together is it such a bad thing? ]

Can you do this? [ he swallows, his heart still hammering under her fist. ] With me?

[ it's a question that not only surprises her but makes her own heart begin to race as well. her lips move inward and she presses them together before giving them a lick. she's not sure she fully understands what his question is asking, be regardless her answer is the same. ]

I don't know. [ she admits. ] But I want to.

[ his lips curve tentatively against her temple. his heartrate begins to even out in palpable relief. ]

Okay. [ he sounds annoyingly upbeat about this. ]

Okay? [ she repeats his answer with her own question. he's right, it's annoying, but it's also not an out right rejection so she's not completely opposed to it. ] The hell does that mean?

What does it mean?

[ he leans back enough so he can catch her eye, and as he blinks at her curiously, he's starting to piece things together. why she thought him putting her off was a rejection, why even now she needs - validation. holy fuck, they really are alike. she acts so confident, frank made some wrong assumptions about her himself. she's surprised him just as much if not more than he's surprised her. ]

I'm obviously in. [ just to be clear. ]

[ her other hand comes to place itself on his chest, and she gives him a look that's just as confused--no, more. definitely more confused--right back at him. the last thing she wants to do is assume what being "in" with her means. or what "it" is. fuck feelings, man. ]

I'm confused. Earlier you were just telling me I shouldn't have feelings for you and that I shouldn't expect anything and now... [ she winces her eyes a little, tilting her head just the slightest while look at him. ] You're... in.

[ he's not the only one who's really bad at this, but admittedly, she has no idea what the hell is going on. ]

[ oh... wow. they're both really stupid, another thing they have in common. he laughs a little, a nervously dry sound as he anticipates a shove that never comes, her hands just resting on his front. he's not going to leave anything to chance anymore: better to just say all of what he means. something he's extraordinarily bad at and didn't even know it for a change. ]

You said I shouldn't— I was agreeing with you. That we shouldn't like each other, but we do, right?

[ not saying... what? okay, he's leaving that part out and starting over. he thinks this is more important anyway. ]

When you said you wanted... uh. Friends with benefits? [ he can barely get out the words, and just saying them makes him feel old. ] I assumed that's really what you wanted. Being friends and, sleeping together.

[ that's still what he wants??? emphasis on the friends part. for him anyway. ]

Oh my God.

[ because... of course. of course he would make it sound like such a big--which to his defense, it probably is--thing and confuse her on what was actually happening. she sits back against the couch and glances down to her own chest, hating what kind of response all this drew out of her. ]

Where have you been? What did you think we were doing?

[ he's in, fuck. what a joke. of course he was in--he was in a few weeks ago, that was never up for debate. even now when she was trying to give him some space she never really thought it was done. she props one hand on her knee while dragging her other hand down her face as she releases a deep breath.

this was an unintentional ride of emotions for her. jesus. ]

You have to stop... That. Making things sound so goddamn intimate.

[ he lets her pull away without protest or any show that he feels dejected by it, leaving his leg across her side of the couch so she'd have to push him off if she wanted to get up. frank doesn't say anything, letting her work through it and wondering for the millionth time what he did wrong. ]

Sorry. [ he doesn't sound that sorry, though. more like confused with a tinge of bemusement in the center. ] It's just that... neither of us is up for more, right?

[ dating. it sounds so ridiculous. frank shakes his head. ]

I probably ruined the mood, huh? [ in other words: they're not sleeping together tonight, unless she changes her mind. he brings back the bar of his leg and assumes he'll be watching her go again. ] Thanks for coming over anyway.

You don't see how what you said could have possibly translated to something entirely opposite? [ she might sound a little upset and flustered by that. ]

And no, I don't, so imagine my surprise when-- [ he said it all, god. there's a small part of her that wishes it was the other thing, so tiny that she doesn't even want to acknowledge it. like, she doesn't want it necessarily, but. it unsettles her how much she isn't completely repulsed by the idea through out everything he just said. ] Jesus, you are really bad at this.

[ she sighs again and looks over at him, still hunched over her legs as she speaks to him in a deadpan voice. ] Is that what you want? Me to leave? [ because she will, if he gives the word. ]

[ he literally didn't and it shows all over his face. this time he does look sorry, but probably not even for the reason she thinks. ]

I warned you.

[ frank chews his lip, but there's no hesitation from her question to the shake of his head. ]

Of course I don't.

You did. But to be fair, I didn't really think it would be this bad. And I didn't think I'd even have to worry about it. [ thanks, feels.

she takes another deep breath while attempting to recreate her previous position with him, pushing herself rather aggressively back up against his chest. ]

Okay, weirdo. Can we do this with no awkward breaks in between now or is there anything else we need to discuss?

Yeah... Maybe from now on you should just ignore the things I say.

[ surrounding this anyway. he knows he's being dumb and he's just glad it didn't drive her away again. in fact, she's back in his space and he smiles through the surprise, hand coming up to palm her lower back in support automatically. ]

Uh, no. I think that about covers it.

[ frank swallows, staring at her lips as his throat dries up. the movie has become indistinguishable background noise by now and he can't complain about that, forehead falling forward against jessica's as he waits to see if she'll make a move. ]

I don't know. Normally I'd agree, but sometimes you say nice things.

[ she leans forward seemingly for his lips but instead dips down underneath him, placing her lips softly on his neck. ]

Or maybe I just like the way you sound when you say things.

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