[ somehow his kiss leaves her feeling worse, and she just watches him go without saying anything. instead, she pulls her knees up to her chest and pushes her hair behind her ears while glancing out the window. this is clearly something that happens to him often, but she still can't shake the feeling that her being there only made it worse or... if she wasn't there maybe he wouldn't have been so bad. she literally has no idea, but it's so ingrained in her brain that she fucks things up she just assumes she did, somehow.
the silence only makes her mind wander further, and she thinks about him and wonders how he can do it every night--how he even gets sleep, how he hasn't devolved into toxic coping habits like her own. she wants to get up, say something... let him know he's there but. maybe she should just hang back, let him work it out.
[ he stops in the bathroom, plugs in his dead phone in the living room without looking to see if he missed anything: he knows he didn't, then moves on to pour a glass of tap water. he drinks down half the glass, staring at those flowers as he refills it, then pours a second for jess even though she hadn't said anything. he starts a pot of coffee before making it back into the bedroom. he feels better for it, setting her water down before making it back around to his side. frank climbs properly under the blankets this time and props his head up on his elbow to watch her. ]
Sorry. [ for not telling her, for scaring her, for waking her up. all of the above. he can tell she's upset, though he isn't sure who at. probably herself, he knows that feeling all too well. his free hand reaches out to curl around her knee, eyes meeting hers gently as he silently pleads with her to come close again. ]
[ she catches a glimpse of his look, that same adorable pleading look he's given her numerous times over their last few visits, and she rocks herself forward once, before staring straight ahead back ahead. ]
Stop. [ it's the second time he's said it. here he is apologizing to her when he's the one who's just had the traumatic experience. she sounds annoyed when he does it, but it's focused at herself. ] Stop apologizing for something like that.
[ she's hesitant at first--mostly due to habit--but she slowly turns and pushes the back of her frame up against his in a spooning position. ]
Is it-- [ it's a stuttered start. she's not quite sure how to word it without coming of insincere or like she's trying to make it about herself, but she knows he can sense something is off. that's why he's apologizing, right? ] Does me being here make it worse?
[ his heart beats hard and fast against the back of her ribcage even as he wraps his arm around her securely, his other hand moving her hair off one shoulder so he can talk into her ear. it's difficult, but probably not for the reason she thinks. even this is a bit much, but as long as she's talking and he can hold her it's okay - he can convince himself she isn't maria even without looking at her face. ]
No... This is pretty much how it always is. [ maybe it's even worse, he's lost all objectivity over it. ] It's usually the same... three or four dreams? I should've warned you.
Edited (why can't i ever get pronouns) 2019-02-28 19:12 (UTC)
[ releasing a deep breath, her brows lower against her lids as he speaks to her. she knows from personal experience how real vivid dreams like that are, and instead of focusing on her own insecurities she just wants to make sure he knows she's not going anywhere, just like she said. ]
I used to have dreams for a long time. After Kilgrave. It was always about him controlling me again or what I did. [ no. she quickly corrects herself. ] What he made me do. [ her hand reaches around to grab a hold of his arm, idly stroking it as she talks through her own sensitive subject with him. ] I get it. I just wanted to make sure... [ she lips her lips briefly. ] I don't want to make it worse for you. [ she hopes he'd tell her. ]
[ he listens carefully, curling closer when she grabs hold of his arm. just the name is enough to make his blood boil, and he nods at her own self-correction. that's right - she didn't do anything wrong. frank kisses the side of her face and nudges his nose in against her cheek to stay. ]
I know you get it. [ but it helps when she confirms it anyway. in so many ways, their traumas are the same. they were forced to do things they didn't understand and ended up paying the ultimate price. ] But I can't explain- it's not worse, it's not. It just might take a while.
[ for his brain to fill her in instead of maria, next to him. ]
[ she doesn't necessarily understand it, but she settles on not needing to as long as she takes his word for it. he doesn't seem like he would lie, not about something like this.
it shouldn't but that last part makes her laugh through her nose a bit as she settles into him. ] "A while," huh? You think I'll be around that long?
I guess I did, didn't I. [ it's still a weird thing to hear, though. ] Is it too late to change my mind?
[ she pulls away from him now to roll around and stare at him once more, grabbing one of his hands and putting it on her hip where he usually sets it. ] How do you want to handle it going forward?
[ there's pure admiration in his eyes as she turns to face him, though his eyes blink from her face a moment to observe her placing his hand. his thumb immediately curves into the dip of her hipbone like it was meant to fit there, his other arm now trapped under her though he doesn't seem to mind in the least. ]
This. [ she motions between the two of them. ] You. Do I let you sleep through it? Do you want me to wake you up? [ she honestly doesn't know what the best course of action is here, and she figures if she's going to make sleeping next to him a regular thing, they probably need to establish some kind of plan or... something. ]
Oh. [ it never occurred to him she might want to help, stupid again. he breathes shallowly through his nose as he mulls that over. ] Usually it only happens after I'm asleep a few hours, I guess I could - set an alarm?
[ this isn't practical, is it? he frowns, shaking his head. they could sleep in shifts, right, but that is probably an outlandish suggestion just to be able to share a bed all night. he feels... inconvenient right now. but she keeps saying she wants to be here, so he's trying. it's just his wont to minimize his needs and experience. ]
Or, I mean... you don't have to stay over, I don't wanna mess with your sleep like that.
No, Frank-- [ she shakes her head immediately. there's an annoyed tone in her voice, but that's just because the idea of her not sleeping over because he has night terrors sounds so ridiculous. there's nothing wrong with him. ] I don't care. I'm not going to not sleep with you over this. I'm not trying to fix you. [ because she knows that this shit doesn't just go away. even when you have someone next to you, even if you go get "help." ] I just want to know what you want me to do when it happens.
[ it's just so beyond him, he's not trying to be difficult when he says: ] You don't have to do anything, I mean. I just don't wanna bother you.
[ the beep of the mr. coffee goes off and he visibly startles, eyes wide as he looks around for the danger. god, this guy clearly needs caffeine am i right? he laughs once to himself, self-deprecating, as his forehead tips forward against her shoulder as he tries to calm his racing heart. ]
You can wake me up, if you want. [ impossibly soft. it's hard to accept help even when she's saying she wants to. ]
[ that gets him an eye roll, but she's smiling, amused by this whole thing. they're both just so awkward and don't know what to do with one another. when he freaks out at the coffee maker though, she actually laughs this time and rolls onto her back.
[ ugh, don't remind her. she cups her face with her hands and rests them there a little before turning to look at him suddenly, like her brain suddenly just processed what that sound was and what her nose was smelling. ]
Yeah. [ he admits on another chuckle, even while his fingers trail over her stomach. ] Usually, once I'm up I'm up. You should go back to sleep though.
[ wait, what? all the easy amusement drains out at the prospect of her leaving, especially at 3 am. maybe this is just another example of their wires getting crossed though, and he's unabashed in the way he turns toward her then, hand working up under her shirt as his low voice drops into her ear. ] Unless you don't wanna go back to sleep. [ he could think of a few alternatives himself. ]
[ his exploring hand paired with the sudden change of tone in his voice gets her a little tingly in her midsection and she stares at him almost cautiously. that is so not fair, but... she's super into it, obviously. ] You play dirty, Frank Castle. [ she adjusts herself beneath him, letting him have free reign over her body as she flashes him a coy little grin. ] I'm a little impressed.
[ the uncharacteristically submissive move has his eyes flashing, callouses dragging more insistently across her skin. maybe he can afford to have his coffee go cold just this once. though he's not accustomed to leading the charge in this category, a million different possibilities spark in his mind as he touches her, one leg curling over and around hers as if to keep her in place though she's clearly not going anywhere. ]
You think I win by playing fair? [ he's not above a little manipulation every now and then, though it's probably already apparent that he's out of his depth. the way she says his full name too drags him out of the moment, focused momentarily on the life he'd left behind. trying to push past it, his thumb hooks in the band of her panties, slowly dragging them down while he leans in to kiss wetly at her neck. ]
[ he's usually so docile and submissive during these encounters, so when he questions her like that and pressed his lips to her neck she's taken back some, instinctively turning her head so she's exposing her neck to him. she was already turned on from before (it really doesn't take much with her) but now she was pretty well excited. ]
Good point. [ she concedes after thinking about it, deciding her teasing commentary about whether or not he's won is useless seeing as she's already surrendered herself to him. a hand reaches down past his chest to run her fingers along the outside fabric of his underwear after he begins pulling her own panties down. ]
[ this is obviously the way to get through to her, and he can't remember the last time he felt this desired by another person. it's a turn on in its own right, his lips curving momentarily at her teasing touch below his waist. he's already half hard just from this, but he doesn't allow her to linger when he wants to take his time here - something he can't accomplish if jessica takes over in any capacity. gently, he nudges her hand away even as he works her underwear down enough to run his fingers softly along the seam of her. frank kisses the corner of her mouth and lets out a soft sound of appreciation against her lips at how wet he already finds her. ]
[ there's a look of confusion, maybe even disappointment when he pushes her hand away. it's soon washed away when he slides his fingers against her slit, her own mouth opening to let out a sound of approval as her hands to rest on his chest.
it's easy to get caught up in the moment but even if he was insecure about it, he was doing really well at wrangling her in. she's starting to appreciate him and how he does things more and more, which is saying a lot because she definitely likes the way she does things--always has. ]
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the silence only makes her mind wander further, and she thinks about him and wonders how he can do it every night--how he even gets sleep, how he hasn't devolved into toxic coping habits like her own. she wants to get up, say something... let him know he's there but. maybe she should just hang back, let him work it out.
they're both just so incredibly broken. ]
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Sorry. [ for not telling her, for scaring her, for waking her up. all of the above. he can tell she's upset, though he isn't sure who at. probably herself, he knows that feeling all too well. his free hand reaches out to curl around her knee, eyes meeting hers gently as he silently pleads with her to come close again. ]
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Stop. [ it's the second time he's said it. here he is apologizing to her when he's the one who's just had the traumatic experience. she sounds annoyed when he does it, but it's focused at herself. ] Stop apologizing for something like that.
[ she's hesitant at first--mostly due to habit--but she slowly turns and pushes the back of her frame up against his in a spooning position. ]
Is it-- [ it's a stuttered start. she's not quite sure how to word it without coming of insincere or like she's trying to make it about herself, but she knows he can sense something is off. that's why he's apologizing, right? ] Does me being here make it worse?
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No... This is pretty much how it always is. [ maybe it's even worse, he's lost all objectivity over it. ] It's usually the same... three or four dreams? I should've warned you.
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I used to have dreams for a long time. After Kilgrave. It was always about him controlling me again or what I did. [ no. she quickly corrects herself. ] What he made me do. [ her hand reaches around to grab a hold of his arm, idly stroking it as she talks through her own sensitive subject with him. ] I get it. I just wanted to make sure... [ she lips her lips briefly. ] I don't want to make it worse for you. [ she hopes he'd tell her. ]
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I know you get it. [ but it helps when she confirms it anyway. in so many ways, their traumas are the same. they were forced to do things they didn't understand and ended up paying the ultimate price. ] But I can't explain- it's not worse, it's not. It just might take a while.
[ for his brain to fill her in instead of maria, next to him. ]
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it shouldn't but that last part makes her laugh through her nose a bit as she settles into him. ] "A while," huh? You think I'll be around that long?
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You said you weren't goin' anywhere.
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[ she pulls away from him now to roll around and stare at him once more, grabbing one of his hands and putting it on her hip where he usually sets it. ] How do you want to handle it going forward?
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...Handle what?
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[ this isn't practical, is it? he frowns, shaking his head. they could sleep in shifts, right, but that is probably an outlandish suggestion just to be able to share a bed all night. he feels... inconvenient right now. but she keeps saying she wants to be here, so he's trying. it's just his wont to minimize his needs and experience. ]
Or, I mean... you don't have to stay over, I don't wanna mess with your sleep like that.
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[ the beep of the mr. coffee goes off and he visibly startles, eyes wide as he looks around for the danger. god, this guy clearly needs caffeine am i right? he laughs once to himself, self-deprecating, as his forehead tips forward against her shoulder as he tries to calm his racing heart. ]
You can wake me up, if you want. [ impossibly soft. it's hard to accept help even when she's saying she wants to. ]
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she can't help but shake her head. ]
You're a mess, you know that?
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You're the one who likes me.
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Wait, are you seriously making coffee at 3am?
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she thinks about that for a minute, unsure of what to do with it. it felt like it was only five minutes she was able to lay with him, and now...
huh. she glances at the clock before turning her attention back on him, sprawling one arm behind her head. ] I can always come back later.
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You think I win by playing fair? [ he's not above a little manipulation every now and then, though it's probably already apparent that he's out of his depth. the way she says his full name too drags him out of the moment, focused momentarily on the life he'd left behind. trying to push past it, his thumb hooks in the band of her panties, slowly dragging them down while he leans in to kiss wetly at her neck. ]
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Good point. [ she concedes after thinking about it, deciding her teasing commentary about whether or not he's won is useless seeing as she's already surrendered herself to him. a hand reaches down past his chest to run her fingers along the outside fabric of his underwear after he begins pulling her own panties down. ]
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I have my moments.
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it's easy to get caught up in the moment but even if he was insecure about it, he was doing really well at wrangling her in. she's starting to appreciate him and how he does things more and more, which is saying a lot because she definitely likes the way she does things--always has. ]
You've been having a lot of those lately.
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