[ it's not her he's repulsed by, but she doesn't answer the question anyway and all frank can do is sigh. he scrubs his damaged hand over his damaged face and takes comfort from the pain. it's much more bearable than the turmoil twisting his guts inside out. ]
You know who I am when I'm saving your life. That's cute and it fits on a postcard all neat, but it's not who I am. Frank Castle is just another scumbag the Devil should've put down when he had the chance. [ he's angry and tired and scared and he doesn't care how much of it she can pick out really. his expression softens, but he stays at arm's length, he wouldn't want to go giving her any ideas now. ] I care whether you live or die because you're a real person, Karen. The City needs you. You think after what happened, after what I did, Hell's Kitchen is gonna be a safer place? New York, America? Fuck that. No really, fuck that. They paid me off, same as everyone else. Because everyone has a price.
Everyone... except you. [ karen has a lot of flaws, but her integrity isn't one of them. she'd die bringing the truth to light and that's what scares him so much about her. it's also why he'll always protect her, though. he takes a deep, shuddering breath, and feels himself deflate. that's about all the dramatic flair he has left in him for the moment. ]
[That's a lot of words, especially for him. She listens without interrupting, but her face twists and contorts into something that strongly resembles betrayal. It shouldn't, since he's just complimented her at the end of all that. But it hurts how he's essentially labeled her as an obligation due to keeping her alive because the city needs her. He's insulted her by daring to say that she doesn't know him beyond the Punisher, that she couldn't possibly see the real him, couldn't understand the Frank Castle that lies beneath all the pain and death that sits at his feet.]
You don't owe me anything, Frank. Not because you think other people need me. I want you to care about whether I live or die because you care about me.
[If you love something, you let them go. Set them free. Isn't that how it goes? Karen isn't sure what she feels completely, but she knows that she cares for him enough to give him an out. A chance to walk away.
She takes another few chugging swigs from the bottle before pushing it aside and moving to stand up. Her legs are wobbly, and she grips hold of the bar in order to keep herself standing upright.]
So no, Frank. What makes you safe isn't the fact that you think the city needs me. It isn't the fact that you go out of your way to protect me. It's the fact that you never lie to me. You're safe because I know you'd never intentionally hurt me. You respect me, which is something no other man has ever bothered doing before.
[On second thought, maybe she needs more to drink. Her head's already swimming, but she feels like she can handle a little more. She doesn't even know what she's arguing for anymore. Her shoulders slump as she drinks from the bottle, and she feels exhausted. When she speaks again, her voice is small and tired. She doesn't have any fight left in her, not that she wanted a fight at all.]
I didn't want to tell you I had feelings for you this way. And it's okay if you don't feel the same way. I just misread...a lot of things. I want there to be something out there for you, someone for you, but it doesn't have to be me.
[ this is way too much information at once, and he doesn't have the time to parse through all of her words by the time she gets to the end. he interrupts her anyway as his hand darts out for her arm when she wobbles. the concern reflected in his eyes can't be faked, but he doesn't try to prevent her from taking another drink. ]
That's not what I meant, Karen. [ it's as lame as ever but he lets go of her, even if his instincts make him want to vault the bartop right now. he knew, right? he had to have known she had feelings for him otherwise she wouldn't have asked him. but having it said so baldly like that - he wants to pretend he never heard it. he wants to take back the last ten minutes. no other man has ever bothered. he swallows, feeling as sober as she looks wasted right now. ] You didn't misread anything.
[ wait, did he just-- nevermind. it's not the point. ]
But you should raise the bar. [ some more dry humor, surprise surprise. ] I do respect you, but that should be a given, right? You're smart, you're some bigshot at a newspaper, you know superheroes. [ he's smiling now, obviously trying to lighten the mood. ] Come on, you're Karen Page. A very... drunk version of her, but you're still her.
[ and in any state she's better than he could ever be. ]
[He in no way lightens the mood for her. Despite this, she tries managing a smile, but she's got that confused look on her face as she tries to parse everything he's just said.]
Wait.
[She reaches for the bottle and misses, her hand slapping against the bartop instead. If it looks intentional, well, she guesses that's probably for the best.]
If I didn't misread anything, why are we still having this conversation? [Meaning: why hasn't he just kissed her yet?] Christ, Frank, do you hear yourself? You respect me, but not enough to let me decide what I want? Did you...what, did you intentionally lead me on?
[All the while, her arms are wildly gesturing while her legs wobble. Because her not misreading things is entirely the point here, and she focuses in on nothing but that.]
No. What? [ like he knows how to lead anyone on, karen. think that one through. he just... manages to keep doing it anyway. ] I don't want to hurt your feelings, alright. Help me out here.
[ tell me what to say. this is why he can't do these things; have these conversations. they go so far above his head so quickly. ]
I just killed half the city and you're asking me if I want to kiss you in an abandoned bar in outer space. [ give him a minute to process his shit jesus christ!! ]
[Her eyebrows arch comically higher and higher the more he talks. He's totally leading her on but is blind to the fact he's doing it, which is both hilarious and pathetic. But nothing is as funny as his assessment of the situation. That last sentence makes her laugh, a choked out sound that's definitely brought on by the alcohol.
Once she starts laughing, it takes her a few seconds to start. And Karen, in all her infinite intoxicated state, slips and her head slams down against the bartop. She's okay though, and rebounds quickly, still laughing even through a wince as she rubs at her forehead.]
Okay, as ridiculous as that sounds? You have to admit that this is the most time we've spent in one place without anyone trying to kill us. And the fact that I have to spell it out to you that you saying I didn't misread things is what's hurting my feelings just shows you have no idea what you're doing.
Are you laughing at me? [ he accuses even while a corner of his mouth twitches up. maria used to say things to him like "for a reconnaissance man, you sure miss what's right in front of your face" and he knows in her seat he'd probably be laughing at him too. he laughs too, shaking his head as he finally releases some tension. they're in space. everything else is tertiary at best, right? except when karen hits her head on the bar, he's taking action. sliding the bottle away from her and leaning in closer to make sure she's responsive. ] Jesus Christ, Karen.
[ stop giving him mini heart attacks. frank finally steps around to her side of the bar and puts a heavy hand on her shoulder. ]
If you don't know by now that I have no goddamn clue what I'm doing, then you really don't know me. [ it's a joke, and he's gently corralling her towards the corridor, ready and willing to carry her if it turns out she can't walk. ]
[It's a joke that manages to make her laugh, though she does spare a glance over her shoulder at the bottle she's leaving behind. She stumbles along after him as best as she can, thinking that she's walking just fine. ]
I don't remember the last time I drank that much at once.
[She did just chug an insane amount of unknown alcohol, and the floor is definitely starting to spin. But she's an independent woman and she creeps along down the hall unassisted for now.]
[ one hand settles around her waist for support while the other holds fast to her arm, a safeguard in case he can't catch her in time, even if he knows he will. he hopes she didn't drink like that because of him, but asking would start a whole new debate about obligation, wouldn't it? and for him the reason doesn't matter anyway. he wants her safe so he'll be there to make sure she is (and probably not a moment longer.) ]
To bed. [ again, he's oblivious to how it might sound, leading her with slow, but steadfast steps towards her room. ]
[If she weren't completely trashed right now, she might point out that he shouldn't be going anywhere near her bed. But since she is, she just takes his words at face value and nods a little. ]
I don't think I can stand up much longer.
[Which means she needs bed, really. She leans up against him for support and lets him guide her, any memory of their conversation now pleasantly forgotten in favor of just attempting to navigate this challenging thing called walking.]
[ his hand rubs a soothing pattern against her back in an attempt to get her to hold it together at least until they can reach her room. ] I'm not surprised. Next time, you let me pour, alright?
[ next time... he's hyperaware of everything he says to her now, but he has to focus on helping her. it seems like forever before they're at her door at last though it's only down the hall from the bar. he picks up her hand with the communicator on it and unlocks it for them, and the second it's open he's ushering her directly to the bathroom as quick as he can. ]
[She readily agrees, gladly sinking down to her knees in the bathroom. The feeling of the cool flooring beneath her is more than welcome, even as her stomach flips and twists and she tries to keep from throwing up everywhere.]
You don't have to stay to hold my hair.
[Because the less he sees of her puking, the better his image of her probably will be.]
[ he grunts noncommittally as he sinks to the floor with her. maybe she can take it from here and maybe she can't, but he's not going to leave it to chance. ]
Like I'd miss this. [ he quips, easing hair away from her face and leaving a steady hand on her back. ]
[There's some sarcastic comment on the tip of her tongue. Really there is. But as her stomach heaves and she leans forward, all that comes out of her mouth is vomit. Her body starts to tremble as another wave of nausea cripples her, and she's grateful that he's there with her. She wipes at her mouth and flushes the toilet.]
[ without noticing he's doing it, he murmurs shhh to her in a soothing manner, hand stroking her neck and upper back in comfort. the touch to his knee startles him out of wherever he had just found himself, and for some reason calls up how exhausted he is, too. ]
Yeah. [ it's belated, his forehead having tipped forward to rest on her shoulder briefly. he wants to make sure she's done before he gets them both back up, but the proportionally smaller amount of liquor he'd consumed (or at least in the same timespan as karen had) threatens to lay him out right here, latching onto how rundown and tired his body already is. ]
[Did he just fall asleep on her? Karen blearily blinks and manages to lean forward to throw up another couple more times as she ponders it over. There's another flush and she groans as she shifts to just lay on the floor. She's absolutely spent, and doesn't want to move for days.]
Yeah. Just...wake me up when everything stops spinning.
[She's really going to have to apologize profusely for this.]
[ he only drifts for a second before she pitches forward again and then he's holding her hair and rubbing her back the same as before. by the time she rolls away from him to lay on the floor he's gotten something close to a second (fifth? dozenth?) wind, but the urge to follow her example is a strong one. ]
Okay, Karen. [ he agrees gently, though the second she closes her eyes he's up. he pours a glass of water to put on her nightstand and peels back her blankets on the bed before coming back into the room. he can't tell if she's asleep or even unconscious yet - maybe she still has the spins. but she'll be more comfortable in bed, so as carefully as he can he hefts her weight easily over his shoulder and walks her to the bed to lay her down. he tugs off her mag boots and tucks her in, a painful twinge in his chest when he thinks of doing this with his kids after a long day out. they would be too tired to move just like she is now, pure dead weight. ]
You okay? [ it's asked after a delay, knowing it's his time to go but he wants to make sure. he hangs close by to see if she's coherent enough to give him an answer. ]
[His voice sounds so loud, and her face scrunches up as she opens her eyes to look up at him. She's in bed now, warm and comfortable. She vaguely recalls being hoisted up like a sack of potatoes and carried, and manages a little smile because he's actually pretty good at taking care of her.]
I will be. Tomorrow's a new day, right?
[Her voice is gravely and she licks at her dry lips, immediately regretting the taste of vomit that's there. It's a miracle that she doesn't throw up again. The spins are definitely still a problem, and since she's seeing about ten of him right now she decides to just close her eyes and let herself succumb to passing out. She's done enough damage for one night.]
Right. [ it's soft as can be, leaning in to push some hair off her forehead before he leaves. Goodnight, Karen. he doesn't say it aloud for fear of waking her again, shutting out the lights on his way out. tomorrow's a new day. of drinking themselves to death in space. not much else to do - but even in space, tomorrow will come and wipe today's sins away. or at the very least, make them seem less significant. ]
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You know who I am when I'm saving your life. That's cute and it fits on a postcard all neat, but it's not who I am. Frank Castle is just another scumbag the Devil should've put down when he had the chance. [ he's angry and tired and scared and he doesn't care how much of it she can pick out really. his expression softens, but he stays at arm's length, he wouldn't want to go giving her any ideas now. ] I care whether you live or die because you're a real person, Karen. The City needs you. You think after what happened, after what I did, Hell's Kitchen is gonna be a safer place? New York, America? Fuck that. No really, fuck that. They paid me off, same as everyone else. Because everyone has a price.
Everyone... except you. [ karen has a lot of flaws, but her integrity isn't one of them. she'd die bringing the truth to light and that's what scares him so much about her. it's also why he'll always protect her, though. he takes a deep, shuddering breath, and feels himself deflate. that's about all the dramatic flair he has left in him for the moment. ]
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You don't owe me anything, Frank. Not because you think other people need me.
I want you to care about whether I live or die because you care about me.
[If you love something, you let them go. Set them free. Isn't that how it goes? Karen isn't sure what she feels completely, but she knows that she cares for him enough to give him an out. A chance to walk away.
She takes another few chugging swigs from the bottle before pushing it aside and moving to stand up. Her legs are wobbly, and she grips hold of the bar in order to keep herself standing upright.]
So no, Frank. What makes you safe isn't the fact that you think the city needs me. It isn't the fact that you go out of your way to protect me. It's the fact that you never lie to me. You're safe because I know you'd never intentionally hurt me. You respect me, which is something no other man has ever bothered doing before.
[On second thought, maybe she needs more to drink. Her head's already swimming, but she feels like she can handle a little more. She doesn't even know what she's arguing for anymore. Her shoulders slump as she drinks from the bottle, and she feels exhausted. When she speaks again, her voice is small and tired. She doesn't have any fight left in her, not that she wanted a fight at all.]
I didn't want to tell you I had feelings for you this way. And it's okay if you don't feel the same way. I just misread...a lot of things. I want there to be something out there for you, someone for you, but it doesn't have to be me.
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That's not what I meant, Karen. [ it's as lame as ever but he lets go of her, even if his instincts make him want to vault the bartop right now. he knew, right? he had to have known she had feelings for him otherwise she wouldn't have asked him. but having it said so baldly like that - he wants to pretend he never heard it. he wants to take back the last ten minutes. no other man has ever bothered. he swallows, feeling as sober as she looks wasted right now. ] You didn't misread anything.
[ wait, did he just-- nevermind. it's not the point. ]
But you should raise the bar. [ some more dry humor, surprise surprise. ] I do respect you, but that should be a given, right? You're smart, you're some bigshot at a newspaper, you know superheroes. [ he's smiling now, obviously trying to lighten the mood. ] Come on, you're Karen Page. A very... drunk version of her, but you're still her.
[ and in any state she's better than he could ever be. ]
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Wait.
[She reaches for the bottle and misses, her hand slapping against the bartop instead. If it looks intentional, well, she guesses that's probably for the best.]
If I didn't misread anything, why are we still having this conversation? [Meaning: why hasn't he just kissed her yet?] Christ, Frank, do you hear yourself? You respect me, but not enough to let me decide what I want? Did you...what, did you intentionally lead me on?
[All the while, her arms are wildly gesturing while her legs wobble. Because her not misreading things is entirely the point here, and she focuses in on nothing but that.]
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[ tell me what to say. this is why he can't do these things; have these conversations. they go so far above his head so quickly. ]
I just killed half the city and you're asking me if I want to kiss you in an abandoned bar in outer space. [ give him a minute to process his shit jesus christ!! ]
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Once she starts laughing, it takes her a few seconds to start. And Karen, in all her infinite intoxicated state, slips and her head slams down against the bartop. She's okay though, and rebounds quickly, still laughing even through a wince as she rubs at her forehead.]
Okay, as ridiculous as that sounds? You have to admit that this is the most time we've spent in one place without anyone trying to kill us. And the fact that I have to spell it out to you that you saying I didn't misread things is what's hurting my feelings just shows you have no idea what you're doing.
[She'll give him some time, OkAY?]
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[ stop giving him mini heart attacks. frank finally steps around to her side of the bar and puts a heavy hand on her shoulder. ]
If you don't know by now that I have no goddamn clue what I'm doing, then you really don't know me. [ it's a joke, and he's gently corralling her towards the corridor, ready and willing to carry her if it turns out she can't walk. ]
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I don't remember the last time I drank that much at once.
[She did just chug an insane amount of unknown alcohol, and the floor is definitely starting to spin. But she's an independent woman and she creeps along down the hall unassisted for now.]
Where are we going?
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To bed. [ again, he's oblivious to how it might sound, leading her with slow, but steadfast steps towards her room. ]
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I don't think I can stand up much longer.
[Which means she needs bed, really. She leans up against him for support and lets him guide her, any memory of their conversation now pleasantly forgotten in favor of just attempting to navigate this challenging thing called walking.]
And I'm pretty sure I'm going to be sick.
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[ next time... he's hyperaware of everything he says to her now, but he has to focus on helping her. it seems like forever before they're at her door at last though it's only down the hall from the bar. he picks up her hand with the communicator on it and unlocks it for them, and the second it's open he's ushering her directly to the bathroom as quick as he can. ]
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[She readily agrees, gladly sinking down to her knees in the bathroom. The feeling of the cool flooring beneath her is more than welcome, even as her stomach flips and twists and she tries to keep from throwing up everywhere.]
You don't have to stay to hold my hair.
[Because the less he sees of her puking, the better his image of her probably will be.]
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Like I'd miss this. [ he quips, easing hair away from her face and leaving a steady hand on her back. ]
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I don't think you're missing much.
[Her hand reaches back to touch at his knee.]
But thank you.
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Yeah. [ it's belated, his forehead having tipped forward to rest on her shoulder briefly. he wants to make sure she's done before he gets them both back up, but the proportionally smaller amount of liquor he'd consumed (or at least in the same timespan as karen had) threatens to lay him out right here, latching onto how rundown and tired his body already is. ]
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Yeah. Just...wake me up when everything stops spinning.
[She's really going to have to apologize profusely for this.]
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Okay, Karen. [ he agrees gently, though the second she closes her eyes he's up. he pours a glass of water to put on her nightstand and peels back her blankets on the bed before coming back into the room. he can't tell if she's asleep or even unconscious yet - maybe she still has the spins. but she'll be more comfortable in bed, so as carefully as he can he hefts her weight easily over his shoulder and walks her to the bed to lay her down. he tugs off her mag boots and tucks her in, a painful twinge in his chest when he thinks of doing this with his kids after a long day out. they would be too tired to move just like she is now, pure dead weight. ]
You okay? [ it's asked after a delay, knowing it's his time to go but he wants to make sure. he hangs close by to see if she's coherent enough to give him an answer. ]
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I will be. Tomorrow's a new day, right?
[Her voice is gravely and she licks at her dry lips, immediately regretting the taste of vomit that's there. It's a miracle that she doesn't throw up again. The spins are definitely still a problem, and since she's seeing about ten of him right now she decides to just close her eyes and let herself succumb to passing out. She's done enough damage for one night.]
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