[She thinks that maybe she should take the time to make herself look better. She's been teaching all day and got into her pajamas the second she got back home. somehow, she doesn't think her plaid pj pants and black tank top are all that attractive. But she really doesn't think he's interested, not after his skipping over the fact that she wants to date him. So she just stays as she is and keeps grading her students' papers.
When he enters her apartment she glances up his way and sheepishly grins, revealing that her nose is just as red as his. While his is from the weather, hers is from accidentally getting red ink on her face while grading. That pen is promptly set on her coffee table as she pushes herself to stand up.]
Exactly on time. I'm impressed.
[Her phone countdown is flashing 00:00 because yes of course she set a countdown to see if he'd make it to her place when he said he would. She turns her phone out toward him so he can see it, and laughs as she motions with a nod of her head to move further inside.]
I've got the kettle on. You must be serious about this woman if you're this eager to learn about tea.
[ he spots her, surprised that she's in her pajamas already, though... he can't say he minds the view. frank chews on the inside of his lip as he strides over to her desk. the alarm she set is just as unexpected, and he gives her a disarmed look, a little wide-eyed and a lot bemused. ]
Old habits die hard, I guess. [ a gruff admittance as he tips his head to the side and tries to push down his nerves. he thinks it's super cute that she set an alarm, and that she got pen on her face. this is already hard, especially when she says this woman. how does he tell her he made a mistake? he had meant to send the message to a friend but apparently had her on the brain. fucking genius. and yet it got him what he needed: the knowledge that she likes him back. which he's currently panicking over what to even do with. ]
Uh. Yeah... My friend keeps trying to get me into tea, but he likes those ones that taste like grass. [ he kneads the hat between both hands now, watching her. ]
[Utterly oblivious to his inner panic, she smiles up at him and reaches up to tap his cheek. The cold of his skin makes her gasp a little, and she's quick to cup both hands against his cheeks and press them against his skin in an attempt to warm him up. He's so much taller than she is that she has to rise up on her tiptoes to do it. There's a chuckle of laughter as she feels ridiculous, then pulls her hands away.]
You're freezing. Come on, time to warm you up.
[Since she's tactile even with friends, she takes him by the hand and leads him to her small kitchen. It's run down (like the rest of her apartment bc lol teacher wages) but intensely organized. The kettle's on the stove, steaming and starting to whistle. It's not time to take it off yet, but since she wants to take care of him she pulls it off early and pours some water into two teamugs. Tea leaves start to be steeped next, and she's left hiking herself up to sit on the edge of the counter while they wait.]
Waiting's always the worst part. I've never been good with patience.
[ he echoes her gasp with a tiny, helpless exhale. her hands are tiny and warm and perfect against his face and it's all he can do not to lean into the contact -- but she's pulling away just as quick, and he's nodding stiltedly right after. frank shoves the hat into his pocket when he realizes he's still hanging onto it, then is bowled over all over again when she takes his hand. there's a lot going through his head right now (for a change) and he's not sure he likes it.
but it isn't any struggle to get him to follow and then they're in her kitchen watching tea leaves steep. except he isn't watching the tea at all but her, perched on the counter in her pjs with a smile just for him. he doesn't want to think about maria now, but it's almost impossible not to -- stolen nighttime and morning moments before the kids were up or after they were asleep. he swallows and looks away. ]
No. Me either. [ he scuffs a boot against the floor idly as he waits for her to tell him it's ready. ]
[She's well aware that she's smiling at him like an idiot, though she thinks she's doing it in secret. His response only makes her smile grow to become dimpled and warm. It's a little painful, helping him learn how to impress another woman, but he's her friend before anything else and she has no problem being that now.]
What, you? I never would've guessed.
[Her mind goes over the fact that it would be so easy to wrap her legs around him and tug him in close. It's been a while since she's had anyone to have that kind of intimacy with, casual and comfortable.
She bites at her thumb to try and muffle her laughter and hide her smile, but she just keeps on grinning through it. That hand drops away and she glances over to their tea, which still has another minute or so to go.
Her mouth opens to speak, to keep the conversation going, but she ends up meeting his eyes and falls silent. A lump forms in her throat and she swallows it, realizing how into him she is. It's sort of a head over heels situation, and she can't come up with a single thing to say because he's got her tongue tied just by being here. Great.
You know what, maybe the tea's done now. She shifts her hand back to check and ends up knocking over one of the mugs. Smooth.]
[ he looks back up at that, his face starting to return to its usual shade after being in her heated apartment. much hotter than he ever has the luxury of keeping his, teacher's salary notwithstanding. ] Yeah. [ he manages, quirking a lopsided smile. he knows he isn't exactly the picture of patience, but it doesn't sound like criticism from her lips. full, pink lips he's entirely too close to right now.
lips that keep smiling at him like that until frank's shuffled a step forward without really noticing. the sharp clang of the mug has him startling, reaching out automatically to prevent whatever carnage is about to happen. he gets a splash of scalding hot tea-water across the back of his hand for his efforts, grimacing even as he reaches for the dish towel hanging off her stove to sop up the mess before it can hit the floor. ]
[She curses low under her breath because a) they were just incredibly close to having kissed and b) he's just burnt his hand because of her. He grabs the dish towel and she gently pushes both mugs out of the way.
Without asking, she reaches out to grab his hand so she can make sure he's not actually hurt. The kitchen is so small that they're right by the sink, and she turns on the cold water to shove his hand under it. A new towel is grabbed so she can dry off his hand, and then she brings it up toward her face to give it a closer look. And a kiss, which she pauses in the middle of to glance up his way. Just to test his reaction.
When she leans back, she keeps both of her hands holding onto his one. Things seem to be clicking into place for her, but she wants to make sure.]
[ it all happens so fast, and he's still cursing himself out in his head for getting burned. that was stupid. and now she's taking care of him which means they're even closer and... his throat goes dry, watching her kiss the rough backside of his hand, which hangs limply in her grip though he knows he should pull it away. ]
Who? [ he asks automatically, before his mind can fill in the blanks. the girl you told her you wanted to marry, dummy. but it's too late. and she's still holding onto him; and he really made a mistake by coming here. he wets his lips, looking down the solid few head-lengths until he can meet her eyes. ] It starts with a 'C.'
[That makes her breath catch in her throat, and her eyes go a little wide as she tries to quickly sort everything out. It would be cruel of him to tease her like this, and she knows that while he's capable of doing cruel things he never would do anything hurtful to her. He'd protect her and kill anyone that hurt her.
He rushed over here for tea, and keeps looking at her like she's the center of his messed up little universe. Once again, she's silent for several drawn out moments as she keeps her eyes on his. She knows she could tease him and act oblivious. Keep playing along. She's a needy game player a lot of the time, and this would be an easy game to play.
But she's so sick of playing games.
Her hands guide his to rest against her leg, while she leans in and rises up enough that she can kiss him. It's not something drawn out, or anything more than a tentative and vulnerable first kiss that leaves her wanting more. It takes every ounce of self-restraint not to just wrap her legs around him and forget all about the tea so she can spend time getting closer with him instead.]
This mystery woman, is she a total screaming genius and just a tiny bit sexy?
[ frank too, holds his breath, knowing she'll figure it out in no time flat if she hasn't already. one of the reasons he likes her so much is how bright she is. he's expecting her to be angry, or at least cross with him. but then she's moving his hand and he can't help but look down, fingers splayed out against the outer half of her thigh while his expression is trapped in stupor. his hand still throbs, but it's nothing for someone like him; he doesn't even register it especially not when she's leaning in -- bridging the gap between them to seal those full, round lips against his. he issues another tiny noise in surprise, but it's instant the way he leans into the contact, eager to soak it up while he can. he's always starved for human contact, remembering the way he had leaned into sarah and kissed her back even though it was exactly the wrong thing to do. this doesn't feel that way. kissing clara feels right. frank had forgotten what it felt like, to kiss the right girl.
his burned hand squeezes her leg as she pulls back, his gaze drunk when it finds hers again. he wants that again, more, but he would never ask. not when he thought he'd been much closer to getting a slap than a kiss in the first place. hesitantly, his other hand finds her hip, a smile curving his lips as she describes herself. ] We must be thinkin' of a different lady. This one's smart as a whip and twice as hot. [ a beat passes as he unsubtly looks her up and down. ] Especially in her pjs.
[He actually manages to make her blush. Laughing a little at that, her head dips for a second. When she glances back up at him, she doesn't look embarrassed at all. Or ashamed, which is probably good because her legs finally curl up and around him, giving an insistent tug to try and get him in closer. Just his hand on her leg and hip isn't enough. ]
Oh, you'll like her more out of them, I wager.
[It goes beyond suggestive, but that doesn't really matter to her now. She has a feeling he'll appreciate it.
When she presses her lips against his this time, it's without hesitation. They're both starved for this kind of affection, and the way that it feels so natural and easy between them has Clara making a soft sound of want as she deepens and takes charge of the kiss. One of her hands lightly runs along his arm while the other cups his cheek and keeps him where she wants him. For as small as she is compared to him, she's incredibly good at being the one in control.]
[ her legs reel him in and he's powerless to stop it, stumbling the rest of the way forward by way of her insistent limbs until the line of her body is trapped against his. as much as he does appreciate the words, they also cause his nerves to come back in triple-force. frank still kisses her back fully himself, with zero reservations. he eats up that noise of hers hungrily and then some, eyes squeezing shut as he reluctantly lets go of her to strip off his heavy coat and let it fall unceremoniously to the tile below. she can be as assertive as she likes, too, because frank's always been better at taking orders than giving. and maybe he likes the idea of a fiery, smart lady like her telling him what to do, with words or without. ] Clara... [ he sighs out when he finally has to pull away to catch his breath, resting his forehead against hers and unable to keep the smile off his mouth entirely despite a valiant effort. he likes the way this feels, but he doesn't want to push for so much, all at once. even if he's not actually the one pushing.
one freed hand comes up to cup her throat gently, two fingers resting on her cheek while he feels her pulse in his thumb. he wants to kiss her again, but he holds himself back, waiting until he physically can't stand being apart from her anymore. ] This is... swipe right? [ another confirmation as he lifts his eyebrows. it's obvious he still really doesn't get it. ]
[She's breathless after that, lips red and a little kiss swollen. Her tongue runs along them as he pulls away, and all she can do is lightly exhale when he says her name the way he does. They're both wearing smiles, and as much as she wants to push for more she knows that she doesn't have to. Not with him.
Laughter makes its way out of her at his question, and she wonders if maybe she should give him a Tindr tutorial. Probably not. She isn't keen on letting him think he can swipe right on women only looking for one night stands.]
Bit like that, yeah. It's me choosing you. And not just for one night.
[Her legs uncurl and fall open, but stay up against his sides. Feeling vulnerable after admitting something so honest, her head tips a little so her cheek presses against his fingers. Her heart is racing, pulse thrumming in time along with it. It would be easy to get him to kiss her again, but she watches him to see if he'll make the next move. He may not be ready, despite what the coat on the floor says.]
[ her throat vibrates under his fingers when she laughs, and he watches her intently when she answers him -- words he didn't know he needed but just as quickly realizes he did. not just for one night, she says, and it's just what frank needed to hear. when he's interested in someone, he doesn't do half measures. hell, the last woman he'd liked had turned into a thirteen year marriage. he's not the rushing into things type, but... she's making it difficult to say no, even temporarily.
nearly reverent, frank's leaning in again, pushing his lips against hers and holding just there a moment. it would almost be chaste if not for all the other points of contact along their bodies, and he's quick to ramp it up besides, licking inside her mouth in an equally deliberate manner. ]
[He gets her to shiver, as a chill caught somewhere between need and pleasure courses up and down her spine. It sends a warmth through her that makes her whimper, a sound that dies off before it's fully formed. Pliant and warm, her tongue presses against his. A hand curls around his wrist, fingers pressing to try and feel his pulse. His heart has to be beating as fast as hers is.
Even with racing hearts and her body urging her for more, she's content to take her time with this. The intimacy that forms and grows between them just enjoying something as simple as kissing is surprising, almost as much as the emotional connection that's so easily bonded them together. He had meant to tell someone that he's going to marry her. For a woman that feels she's often too neurotic or challenging for anyone to want to be around long term, just knowing that much makes her giddy.
Slowly, her legs curl back up around him again. When her hands start to work at his shirt she reluctantly pulls away from what their mouths are occupied doing, though she awkwardly leans back in like she's changed her mind not even half a second later. Her tongue swirls around her mouth and presses against her cheek, causing it to stick out slightly. With a soft exhale that has his name whispered in the same breath, she leans in until her forehead touches at his chin.]
[ his heart is pounding out almost violently against his ribcage, the fluttering pulse in his wrist telling her everything she needs to know. frank kisses her for as long as he has the breath in his lungs to do so, trying to ignore the way his body wants to react when she wraps her legs around him anew. he feels her fingers in the ribbing of his shirt and wants to be rid of it already, the chill from earlier forgotten as heat pulls insistently up under his skin. and the way she whispers his name, nearly hallowed, has him pulling for oxygen all over again.
his hand shifts around to the back of her head, holding on when she leans against him so intimately. any residual awkwardness doesn't even register to him, but then she's asking that. the only question he wasn't truly prepared to answer. after all of this, he doesn't see how he can reject her, but he also can't do it. he can't share her bed, not when it's the most surefire way to discovering just how broken he is. frank kisses her again, short and sweet like goodbye though he doesn't pull away. his expression shifts to something a little sad, but still just as open. ] ...I can't. Sorry. [ it's short but more than sincere, wishing nothing more than to overturn the words. but he won't hurt her that way, not if he can help it. ]
[Hearing that makes her look a little hurt for a second, but the rational part of her mind realizes he's not trying to be hurtful. He's not trying to reject her, either. The genuine honesty and sincerity in his tone tells her that much. But she's still embarrassed for having asked, and her cheeks redden as she bites at her lip and nods. Not tonight, then.]
Another time.
[It almost comes out a question, but she tries not to sound too hopeful. Of course, the look on her face ruins that, as does the way her hand slips up to touch at his chest. Her fingertips press over his beating heart, and the feeling of it pounding makes her look a little sad. She wants to feel more of him, have him completely. But she's going to have to be patient. ]
[ clara couldn't be more disparate from his memories of maria, not that he would ever hazard to compare the two. he's actually grateful he doesn't have much to find in the center lines of that particular venn diagram. it gets exhausting, carrying around ghosts; and he'd promised to let go -- to let maria castle rest in peace. and more to the point, he'd chosen to live. what's the point in living if he can't have this? someone to share with. he had told sarah he'd found a purpose, a reason to smile. he hadn't been talking about sarah at the time, but killing his enemies slowly. funny how that works. ]
Why aren't you mad? [ he asks suddenly, replaying the last few moments and pulling back just a fraction of an inch; just enough to catch her eyes. maria would have been screaming furious at him if he pulled a stunt like that, and for all he says he doesn't carry her around it causes the faintest tug up on one corner of his mouth. maybe she'd figured it out in its entirety, she was smart enough to. he hadn't meant to lie to her, he was just insufferably dumb when it counted. his hand moves again, cupping her cheek, trying not to think about kissing her again when he's already told her it won't go any further tonight. ] What's your favorite flower?
[ it isn't like him to ask so many questions, really. especially not at once and especially not without waiting for one answer at a time. but with everything swimming around in his head, both seem equally important. ]
[That first question throws her for a loop. She knows that she can be high strung sometimes, but she doesn't think she's ever given him a reason to think she'd be mad about this. Her eyebrows knit together in her confusion, and she manages a small laugh of disbelief.]
Why would I be mad? When you're ready, my bed'll still be there.
[Her relationship with Danny taught her so much about honesty and patience, about waiting until the right moment to do things. His death had caused her so much pain and held her back, but with Frank she finds that she can finally move on as she's promised. She's even happy, despite the fact she's not getting the immediate satisfaction that her body craves. Some things are worth the wait, and she knows Frank Castle is one of those things.
So she lets the corner of her mouth curl upward in a pleased little grin, as she thinks over flowers. Her favorite isn't even on this planet. But as far as Earth flowers go, she's got a few. She isn't sure if that makes things easier or more difficult for him. But she leans in and steals a quick kiss anyway.]
And as far as flowers go? I'm known to be fond of poppies, peonies, and calla lilies. Why? Are you gonna bring me flowers?
[Please bring her flowers. He'll be the first man that ever has taken the time to do so.]
[ he meant the text, and now he feels even sillier, feeling more tightness in his chest break up at that. she'll wait for him. it's... romantic in a fucked up way only his life can be. frank shakes his head, and if he'd known her inner commentary he would vow to get her space flowers -- anything she wanted. that's always been who he is, stopping at nothing to take care of those closest to him.
and yet he failed when it counted, to save his family. she couldn't save danny. life, unfortunately, moves on. and on and on and on.
grateful for the kiss as something to anchor himself in lest his thoughts spiral out completely, frank kisses back softly, shutting his eyes and reveling in their closeness. just a few more moments, he doesn't want to leave yet. not when there's nothing waiting for him out there. not when his whole world is now decisively in this room. her words startle him, having already forgotten he'd asked the question. a sharp inhale and a skip of his heartbeat betray how jumpy he really is. how terrified to lose this.
peonies. of course. maria's favorite. sarah's favorite. what a curse. it's a good thing she hadn't come over to his motel and seen the wilting peonies in his kitchen. frank has to look away, though he's still smiling. he just doesn't want her to see the sadness trapped in his gaze. ] I'm an old-fashioned kinda guy that way. [ a repetition, something he had said to karen. but then it was a joke. now it isn't -- not even a little. he wants to bring her flowers and cook her dinner and have the long, slow courting neither of them had ever had time for before with anyone else.
slowly his gaze shifts back up, his smile more insistent now. though it's really only the dull reflection of one in the end. ] What happened to me being too old to play the long game? [ a tease, returning to her words from earlier to lighten the mood. he knows she had been joking, they both do that. lame jokes and deflections to hide how they're really feeling. his fingers idly play with the strap of her tanktop as he watches her now. ]
[She's eternally grateful they both have the same way of covering things up. Anger and humor both work in their favor, and the way he tries using some teasing against her makes her fall for him a little more. They both have ghosts to work around in this relationship, issues they haven't really brought up to the other yet. She won't compete with ghosts, but in this case it's not like that. There's nothing wrong with two broken people working to put themselves back together again. Especially not when things are this good right from the start.]
Oh come on, you're not that much older than I am. I'm thirty-one, not twenty. Sides, I had to make you think I was into you but not as into you as I really, actually was. I have complete faith in your ability to play the long, old-fashioned game.
[Another kiss, this one intentionally teasing. It's barely more than a peck before she's pulling away, lightly tugging at his lower lip with her teeth. She really doesn't want him to leave, and considers asking him again to stay. It would be wrong to do when he's already said he can't, that he's not ready. But the words are still on the tip of her tongue. There's a very deliberate pause before she pulls a ridiculous face, and keeps the teasing going instead.]
Does that mean you're the waiting 'til marriage type? I mean, I already know your intentions thanks to that first text, but think I might have to ramp up the seduction efforts.
[Her shoulder ducks downward a little, just enough that his playing with the strap of her top causes it to slide down as if on cue with her words. It's completely ridiculous and she knows it, and she just barely manages to hold in a breath of laughter.]
[ thirty-one though. that feels like so long ago. his kids were what? nine and seven. and he was in one undisclosed location to the next, never able to talk to them for more than precious moments at a time. he knows clara's been through a lot; he knows she isn't younger than her years, certainly. but sometimes that six years between them feels like ages, especially when she's trying to explain tinder to him. her explanation gets a tiny huff of a laugh out of him anyway, it's not like he could blame her since he's basically been trying to hold it together every time since the first day he met her.
frank lets out a soft sound at the kiss, though there's no time to return it, closing his eyes when her teeth tug his lip. oh, this girl is trouble. just another reason why he likes her though, really. marriage. he'll never get married again, at least, he can't see himself doing that again. and yet he'd been prepared to shoot that text off to matt. girls love falling for that blind dickbag. ]
Not that long. [ he manages after a beat, his suddenly heavy gaze zeroing in on the pale swath of skin she reveals to him then. how easy it would be, to fall into this here and now. it isn't so much the sex he fears (though yes, it's a factor) but that he'll have to leave right after. he can't sleep here. he should just tell her, he knows, about his nightmares. but he swallows back the words again as calloused fingers brush up over the cap of her shoulder and steadily across to her collarbone. he takes a sharp breath in, eyes crashing into hers. ]
[Her own breath hitches, chest twitching slightly with the effort it takes to stay still. That breath is slowly released, shaky and a little louder than she'd like it to be. As tempting as it is to point out that his actions aren't matching up to his words, she doesn't want to ruin things by letting her mouth run just for the sake of getting the upper hand. He needs time to explore her, to get used to this (whatever it is they're diving into here). Teeth press against her lower lip as she shifts a little, trying to ignore the warmth of arousal that she feels just from his slight touch.
Without breaking their eye contact her hands go to his shirt, casually working on shifting it upward. There's a mock-innocent look on her face as she does it, and her eyebrows arch upward as if she's challenging him to either tell her to stop or make the next move.]
You don't have to stay.
[The words are whispered, and she almost loathes how pathetic it makes her sound.]
[ she starts edging up his shirt and he wants to protest -- for so many reasons. but she wants him to stay; he knows, even before she says he doesn't have to. she wants to be wanted, and she wants frank to tell her over and over. is he ready to be that for someone again? when he lost maria he never thought he'd have it, never thought he'd want it. that he'd want her. his fingers halt and he bites into his lips too, studying her face. he used to rely on his guts to tell him when timing was right. but after everything got so fucked up, frank can't trust himself or what he feels. ]
I want to, it's just... [ he wants her to know this conflict has nothing to do with her. this is all a frank castle problem, but it's that same thing that makes him not want to burden her with it at all. every time you come back, you leave a piece of yourself there. maria, angry with him as ever; just wanting to get inside his head for a change. he had never been able to fully let her in, and it's only after that he realizes how selfish that really was. frank swallows past a dry patch in his throat and leans in to kiss clara again, two big fingers pinching her chin. it feels good, and right, but that doesn't mean it is. his tongue sweeps into her mouth to explore properly, not attempting to deter her if she intends to push his shirt up more. if she does she'll reveal a veritable map of scars, some long and shallow from the cut of a knife, some raised and mottled from the pass of a bullet. and others, undefinited, cutting his flesh up into bite-size pieces for consumption. ]
I can't sleep with you. [ it's more decisive, words plain and unshaken as he pulls away this time. for as clear as it is, he knows it still needs clarification lest she take it as another rejection. has he mentioned he's really bad at this? ] I mean, sleep. In the same bed. I have dreams.
[Without his stopping her, she ends up pushing up his shirt enough to touch at his skin. He's warmed up since arriving, but there's still an edge of a chill to the touch that makes her gasp against his lips. She can feel the scars and takes great care to map them all out slowly. Whatever it is that he does, whatever his life outside of her is, she's not afraid of it. Her fingers trace along what she assumes is a scar caused by a knife, and she ends up pushing his shirt up with the intent to remove it.
But then he goes and speaks, and pulls away just enough that she's left wanting and leaning forward in an attempt to maintain the contact. Rejection crosses over her face at first, but then he explains, and her expression softens. There's the warmth of understanding on her eyes as she processes his words, even as her heart sinks and aches for him. Is he afraid she won't be able to handle them?]
Hey - [She moves her hands away from his shirt and body to press her thumb against his chin. It's important that he doesn't look away from her when she says this.]
Don't you dare assume that just because my pretty face has turned your head that I'm not able to handle parts of you that are dark and gritty. Cause I've got parts like that too. Some of the things I've done and seen, the choices I've had to make, some of the near death experiences...things stick with you. When I said I want to be with you, it's not just for one night or just for sex. I meant all of you, dark spots and dreams and all.
[Her hand drops away and she leans in to place the most ridiculous kiss to the tip of his nose. ]
You don't have to sleep in the same bed with me 'til you're ready. No pressure. Just know nothing you can do will scare me.
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When he enters her apartment she glances up his way and sheepishly grins, revealing that her nose is just as red as his. While his is from the weather, hers is from accidentally getting red ink on her face while grading. That pen is promptly set on her coffee table as she pushes herself to stand up.]
Exactly on time. I'm impressed.
[Her phone countdown is flashing 00:00 because yes of course she set a countdown to see if he'd make it to her place when he said he would. She turns her phone out toward him so he can see it, and laughs as she motions with a nod of her head to move further inside.]
I've got the kettle on. You must be serious about this woman if you're this eager to learn about tea.
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Old habits die hard, I guess. [ a gruff admittance as he tips his head to the side and tries to push down his nerves. he thinks it's super cute that she set an alarm, and that she got pen on her face. this is already hard, especially when she says this woman. how does he tell her he made a mistake? he had meant to send the message to a friend but apparently had her on the brain. fucking genius. and yet it got him what he needed: the knowledge that she likes him back. which he's currently panicking over what to even do with. ]
Uh. Yeah... My friend keeps trying to get me into tea, but he likes those ones that taste like grass. [ he kneads the hat between both hands now, watching her. ]
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You're freezing. Come on, time to warm you up.
[Since she's tactile even with friends, she takes him by the hand and leads him to her small kitchen. It's run down (like the rest of her apartment bc lol teacher wages) but intensely organized. The kettle's on the stove, steaming and starting to whistle. It's not time to take it off yet, but since she wants to take care of him she pulls it off early and pours some water into two teamugs. Tea leaves start to be steeped next, and she's left hiking herself up to sit on the edge of the counter while they wait.]
Waiting's always the worst part. I've never been good with patience.
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but it isn't any struggle to get him to follow and then they're in her kitchen watching tea leaves steep. except he isn't watching the tea at all but her, perched on the counter in her pjs with a smile just for him. he doesn't want to think about maria now, but it's almost impossible not to -- stolen nighttime and morning moments before the kids were up or after they were asleep. he swallows and looks away. ]
No. Me either. [ he scuffs a boot against the floor idly as he waits for her to tell him it's ready. ]
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It's a little painful, helping him learn how to impress another woman, but he's her friend before anything else and she has no problem being that now.]
What, you? I never would've guessed.
[Her mind goes over the fact that it would be so easy to wrap her legs around him and tug him in close. It's been a while since she's had anyone to have that kind of intimacy with, casual and comfortable.
She bites at her thumb to try and muffle her laughter and hide her smile, but she just keeps on grinning through it. That hand drops away and she glances over to their tea, which still has another minute or so to go.
Her mouth opens to speak, to keep the conversation going, but she ends up meeting his eyes and falls silent. A lump forms in her throat and she swallows it, realizing how into him she is. It's sort of a head over heels situation, and she can't come up with a single thing to say because he's got her tongue tied just by being here. Great.
You know what, maybe the tea's done now. She shifts her hand back to check and ends up knocking over one of the mugs. Smooth.]
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lips that keep smiling at him like that until frank's shuffled a step forward without really noticing. the sharp clang of the mug has him startling, reaching out automatically to prevent whatever carnage is about to happen. he gets a splash of scalding hot tea-water across the back of his hand for his efforts, grimacing even as he reaches for the dish towel hanging off her stove to sop up the mess before it can hit the floor. ]
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Without asking, she reaches out to grab his hand so she can make sure he's not actually hurt. The kitchen is so small that they're right by the sink, and she turns on the cold water to shove his hand under it. A new towel is grabbed so she can dry off his hand, and then she brings it up toward her face to give it a closer look. And a kiss, which she pauses in the middle of to glance up his way. Just to test his reaction.
When she leans back, she keeps both of her hands holding onto his one. Things seem to be clicking into place for her, but she wants to make sure.]
Frank? You never did tell me her name.
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Who? [ he asks automatically, before his mind can fill in the blanks. the girl you told her you wanted to marry, dummy. but it's too late. and she's still holding onto him; and he really made a mistake by coming here. he wets his lips, looking down the solid few head-lengths until he can meet her eyes. ] It starts with a 'C.'
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He rushed over here for tea, and keeps looking at her like she's the center of his messed up little universe. Once again, she's silent for several drawn out moments as she keeps her eyes on his. She knows she could tease him and act oblivious. Keep playing along. She's a needy game player a lot of the time, and this would be an easy game to play.
But she's so sick of playing games.
Her hands guide his to rest against her leg, while she leans in and rises up enough that she can kiss him. It's not something drawn out, or anything more than a tentative and vulnerable first kiss that leaves her wanting more. It takes every ounce of self-restraint not to just wrap her legs around him and forget all about the tea so she can spend time getting closer with him instead.]
This mystery woman, is she a total screaming genius and just a tiny bit sexy?
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his burned hand squeezes her leg as she pulls back, his gaze drunk when it finds hers again. he wants that again, more, but he would never ask. not when he thought he'd been much closer to getting a slap than a kiss in the first place. hesitantly, his other hand finds her hip, a smile curving his lips as she describes herself. ] We must be thinkin' of a different lady. This one's smart as a whip and twice as hot. [ a beat passes as he unsubtly looks her up and down. ] Especially in her pjs.
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Oh, you'll like her more out of them, I wager.
[It goes beyond suggestive, but that doesn't really matter to her now. She has a feeling he'll appreciate it.
When she presses her lips against his this time, it's without hesitation. They're both starved for this kind of affection, and the way that it feels so natural and easy between them has Clara making a soft sound of want as she deepens and takes charge of the kiss. One of her hands lightly runs along his arm while the other cups his cheek and keeps him where she wants him. For as small as she is compared to him, she's incredibly good at being the one in control.]
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one freed hand comes up to cup her throat gently, two fingers resting on her cheek while he feels her pulse in his thumb. he wants to kiss her again, but he holds himself back, waiting until he physically can't stand being apart from her anymore. ] This is... swipe right? [ another confirmation as he lifts his eyebrows. it's obvious he still really doesn't get it. ]
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Laughter makes its way out of her at his question, and she wonders if maybe she should give him a Tindr tutorial. Probably not. She isn't keen on letting him think he can swipe right on women only looking for one night stands.]
Bit like that, yeah. It's me choosing you. And not just for one night.
[Her legs uncurl and fall open, but stay up against his sides. Feeling vulnerable after admitting something so honest, her head tips a little so her cheek presses against his fingers. Her heart is racing, pulse thrumming in time along with it. It would be easy to get him to kiss her again, but she watches him to see if he'll make the next move.
He may not be ready, despite what the coat on the floor says.]
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nearly reverent, frank's leaning in again, pushing his lips against hers and holding just there a moment. it would almost be chaste if not for all the other points of contact along their bodies, and he's quick to ramp it up besides, licking inside her mouth in an equally deliberate manner. ]
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Even with racing hearts and her body urging her for more, she's content to take her time with this. The intimacy that forms and grows between them just enjoying something as simple as kissing is surprising, almost as much as the emotional connection that's so easily bonded them together. He had meant to tell someone that he's going to marry her. For a woman that feels she's often too neurotic or challenging for anyone to want to be around long term, just knowing that much makes her giddy.
Slowly, her legs curl back up around him again. When her hands start to work at his shirt she reluctantly pulls away from what their mouths are occupied doing, though she awkwardly leans back in like she's changed her mind not even half a second later. Her tongue swirls around her mouth and presses against her cheek, causing it to stick out slightly. With a soft exhale that has his name whispered in the same breath, she leans in until her forehead touches at his chin.]
What if I asked you to stay the night?
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his hand shifts around to the back of her head, holding on when she leans against him so intimately. any residual awkwardness doesn't even register to him, but then she's asking that. the only question he wasn't truly prepared to answer. after all of this, he doesn't see how he can reject her, but he also can't do it. he can't share her bed, not when it's the most surefire way to discovering just how broken he is. frank kisses her again, short and sweet like goodbye though he doesn't pull away. his expression shifts to something a little sad, but still just as open. ] ...I can't. Sorry. [ it's short but more than sincere, wishing nothing more than to overturn the words. but he won't hurt her that way, not if he can help it. ]
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Another time.
[It almost comes out a question, but she tries not to sound too hopeful. Of course, the look on her face ruins that, as does the way her hand slips up to touch at his chest. Her fingertips press over his beating heart, and the feeling of it pounding makes her look a little sad. She wants to feel more of him, have him completely. But she's going to have to be patient. ]
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Why aren't you mad? [ he asks suddenly, replaying the last few moments and pulling back just a fraction of an inch; just enough to catch her eyes. maria would have been screaming furious at him if he pulled a stunt like that, and for all he says he doesn't carry her around it causes the faintest tug up on one corner of his mouth. maybe she'd figured it out in its entirety, she was smart enough to. he hadn't meant to lie to her, he was just insufferably dumb when it counted. his hand moves again, cupping her cheek, trying not to think about kissing her again when he's already told her it won't go any further tonight. ] What's your favorite flower?
[ it isn't like him to ask so many questions, really. especially not at once and especially not without waiting for one answer at a time. but with everything swimming around in his head, both seem equally important. ]
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Why would I be mad? When you're ready, my bed'll still be there.
[Her relationship with Danny taught her so much about honesty and patience, about waiting until the right moment to do things. His death had caused her so much pain and held her back, but with Frank she finds that she can finally move on as she's promised. She's even happy, despite the fact she's not getting the immediate satisfaction that her body craves. Some things are worth the wait, and she knows Frank Castle is one of those things.
So she lets the corner of her mouth curl upward in a pleased little grin, as she thinks over flowers. Her favorite isn't even on this planet. But as far as Earth flowers go, she's got a few. She isn't sure if that makes things easier or more difficult for him. But she leans in and steals a quick kiss anyway.]
And as far as flowers go? I'm known to be fond of poppies, peonies, and calla lilies. Why? Are you gonna bring me flowers?
[Please bring her flowers. He'll be the first man that ever has taken the time to do so.]
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and yet he failed when it counted, to save his family. she couldn't save danny. life, unfortunately, moves on. and on and on and on.
grateful for the kiss as something to anchor himself in lest his thoughts spiral out completely, frank kisses back softly, shutting his eyes and reveling in their closeness. just a few more moments, he doesn't want to leave yet. not when there's nothing waiting for him out there. not when his whole world is now decisively in this room. her words startle him, having already forgotten he'd asked the question. a sharp inhale and a skip of his heartbeat betray how jumpy he really is. how terrified to lose this.
peonies. of course. maria's favorite. sarah's favorite. what a curse. it's a good thing she hadn't come over to his motel and seen the wilting peonies in his kitchen. frank has to look away, though he's still smiling. he just doesn't want her to see the sadness trapped in his gaze. ] I'm an old-fashioned kinda guy that way. [ a repetition, something he had said to karen. but then it was a joke. now it isn't -- not even a little. he wants to bring her flowers and cook her dinner and have the long, slow courting neither of them had ever had time for before with anyone else.
slowly his gaze shifts back up, his smile more insistent now. though it's really only the dull reflection of one in the end. ] What happened to me being too old to play the long game? [ a tease, returning to her words from earlier to lighten the mood. he knows she had been joking, they both do that. lame jokes and deflections to hide how they're really feeling. his fingers idly play with the strap of her tanktop as he watches her now. ]
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Oh come on, you're not that much older than I am. I'm thirty-one, not twenty. Sides, I had to make you think I was into you but not as into you as I really, actually was. I have complete faith in your ability to play the long, old-fashioned game.
[Another kiss, this one intentionally teasing. It's barely more than a peck before she's pulling away, lightly tugging at his lower lip with her teeth. She really doesn't want him to leave, and considers asking him again to stay. It would be wrong to do when he's already said he can't, that he's not ready. But the words are still on the tip of her tongue. There's a very deliberate pause before she pulls a ridiculous face, and keeps the teasing going instead.]
Does that mean you're the waiting 'til marriage type? I mean, I already know your intentions thanks to that first text, but think I might have to ramp up the seduction efforts.
[Her shoulder ducks downward a little, just enough that his playing with the strap of her top causes it to slide down as if on cue with her words. It's completely ridiculous and she knows it, and she just barely manages to hold in a breath of laughter.]
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frank lets out a soft sound at the kiss, though there's no time to return it, closing his eyes when her teeth tug his lip. oh, this girl is trouble. just another reason why he likes her though, really. marriage. he'll never get married again, at least, he can't see himself doing that again. and yet he'd been prepared to shoot that text off to matt. girls love falling for that blind dickbag. ]
Not that long. [ he manages after a beat, his suddenly heavy gaze zeroing in on the pale swath of skin she reveals to him then. how easy it would be, to fall into this here and now. it isn't so much the sex he fears (though yes, it's a factor) but that he'll have to leave right after. he can't sleep here. he should just tell her, he knows, about his nightmares. but he swallows back the words again as calloused fingers brush up over the cap of her shoulder and steadily across to her collarbone. he takes a sharp breath in, eyes crashing into hers. ]
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Without breaking their eye contact her hands go to his shirt, casually working on shifting it upward. There's a mock-innocent look on her face as she does it, and her eyebrows arch upward as if she's challenging him to either tell her to stop or make the next move.]
You don't have to stay.
[The words are whispered, and she almost loathes how pathetic it makes her sound.]
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I want to, it's just... [ he wants her to know this conflict has nothing to do with her. this is all a frank castle problem, but it's that same thing that makes him not want to burden her with it at all. every time you come back, you leave a piece of yourself there. maria, angry with him as ever; just wanting to get inside his head for a change. he had never been able to fully let her in, and it's only after that he realizes how selfish that really was. frank swallows past a dry patch in his throat and leans in to kiss clara again, two big fingers pinching her chin. it feels good, and right, but that doesn't mean it is. his tongue sweeps into her mouth to explore properly, not attempting to deter her if she intends to push his shirt up more. if she does she'll reveal a veritable map of scars, some long and shallow from the cut of a knife, some raised and mottled from the pass of a bullet. and others, undefinited, cutting his flesh up into bite-size pieces for consumption. ]
I can't sleep with you. [ it's more decisive, words plain and unshaken as he pulls away this time. for as clear as it is, he knows it still needs clarification lest she take it as another rejection. has he mentioned he's really bad at this? ] I mean, sleep. In the same bed. I have dreams.
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But then he goes and speaks, and pulls away just enough that she's left wanting and leaning forward in an attempt to maintain the contact. Rejection crosses over her face at first, but then he explains, and her expression softens. There's the warmth of understanding on her eyes as she processes his words, even as her heart sinks and aches for him. Is he afraid she won't be able to handle them?]
Hey - [She moves her hands away from his shirt and body to press her thumb against his chin. It's important that he doesn't look away from her when she says this.]
Don't you dare assume that just because my pretty face has turned your head that I'm not able to handle parts of you that are dark and gritty. Cause I've got parts like that too. Some of the things I've done and seen, the choices I've had to make, some of the near death experiences...things stick with you. When I said I want to be with you, it's not just for one night or just for sex. I meant all of you, dark spots and dreams and all.
[Her hand drops away and she leans in to place the most ridiculous kiss to the tip of his nose. ]
You don't have to sleep in the same bed with me 'til you're ready. No pressure. Just know nothing you can do will scare me.
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