[Her own breath hitches, chest twitching slightly with the effort it takes to stay still. That breath is slowly released, shaky and a little louder than she'd like it to be. As tempting as it is to point out that his actions aren't matching up to his words, she doesn't want to ruin things by letting her mouth run just for the sake of getting the upper hand. He needs time to explore her, to get used to this (whatever it is they're diving into here). Teeth press against her lower lip as she shifts a little, trying to ignore the warmth of arousal that she feels just from his slight touch.
Without breaking their eye contact her hands go to his shirt, casually working on shifting it upward. There's a mock-innocent look on her face as she does it, and her eyebrows arch upward as if she's challenging him to either tell her to stop or make the next move.]
You don't have to stay.
[The words are whispered, and she almost loathes how pathetic it makes her sound.]
[ she starts edging up his shirt and he wants to protest -- for so many reasons. but she wants him to stay; he knows, even before she says he doesn't have to. she wants to be wanted, and she wants frank to tell her over and over. is he ready to be that for someone again? when he lost maria he never thought he'd have it, never thought he'd want it. that he'd want her. his fingers halt and he bites into his lips too, studying her face. he used to rely on his guts to tell him when timing was right. but after everything got so fucked up, frank can't trust himself or what he feels. ]
I want to, it's just... [ he wants her to know this conflict has nothing to do with her. this is all a frank castle problem, but it's that same thing that makes him not want to burden her with it at all. every time you come back, you leave a piece of yourself there. maria, angry with him as ever; just wanting to get inside his head for a change. he had never been able to fully let her in, and it's only after that he realizes how selfish that really was. frank swallows past a dry patch in his throat and leans in to kiss clara again, two big fingers pinching her chin. it feels good, and right, but that doesn't mean it is. his tongue sweeps into her mouth to explore properly, not attempting to deter her if she intends to push his shirt up more. if she does she'll reveal a veritable map of scars, some long and shallow from the cut of a knife, some raised and mottled from the pass of a bullet. and others, undefinited, cutting his flesh up into bite-size pieces for consumption. ]
I can't sleep with you. [ it's more decisive, words plain and unshaken as he pulls away this time. for as clear as it is, he knows it still needs clarification lest she take it as another rejection. has he mentioned he's really bad at this? ] I mean, sleep. In the same bed. I have dreams.
[Without his stopping her, she ends up pushing up his shirt enough to touch at his skin. He's warmed up since arriving, but there's still an edge of a chill to the touch that makes her gasp against his lips. She can feel the scars and takes great care to map them all out slowly. Whatever it is that he does, whatever his life outside of her is, she's not afraid of it. Her fingers trace along what she assumes is a scar caused by a knife, and she ends up pushing his shirt up with the intent to remove it.
But then he goes and speaks, and pulls away just enough that she's left wanting and leaning forward in an attempt to maintain the contact. Rejection crosses over her face at first, but then he explains, and her expression softens. There's the warmth of understanding on her eyes as she processes his words, even as her heart sinks and aches for him. Is he afraid she won't be able to handle them?]
Hey - [She moves her hands away from his shirt and body to press her thumb against his chin. It's important that he doesn't look away from her when she says this.]
Don't you dare assume that just because my pretty face has turned your head that I'm not able to handle parts of you that are dark and gritty. Cause I've got parts like that too. Some of the things I've done and seen, the choices I've had to make, some of the near death experiences...things stick with you. When I said I want to be with you, it's not just for one night or just for sex. I meant all of you, dark spots and dreams and all.
[Her hand drops away and she leans in to place the most ridiculous kiss to the tip of his nose. ]
You don't have to sleep in the same bed with me 'til you're ready. No pressure. Just know nothing you can do will scare me.
[ he lets out a low, shuddering breath at the way her fingers map him out, exploring him the way he hadn't allowed from anyone previously. with her, he doesn't feel scrutinized, only appreciated. but then as he's pulling back, his hands rest on her shoulders, not wanting to lose what they're building up to here but also unable to continue until she knows.
her reaction isn't what he expected either, but he's come to expect that from her most of all. frank holds her gaze unwaveringly, letting her get through her whole speech without so much as opening his mouth to interrupt. does she really mean that? all of him. he's not sure there is an all of him anymore, but if it's what she wants he knows he'll end up sweeping the pieces into a pile to show her anyway. and if she looks him over and finds him lacking, well. then she's probably better off anyway and he will have had another taste of happiness. what a lucky guy.
the kiss to his nose breaks him out of his thoughts completely, going briefly cross-eyed before regarding her with bemusement. and then, as ever, his brows knit together again like he's remembering. maria kissing his nose and frank laughing -- it's like he's watching people who he has no relation to. he supposes it's because he doesn't, not anymore. ] That's not--
[ he can't scare her. frank didn't think he could, honestly; and he knows he's certainly not capable of trying. the big bad punisher is really much more of a softy than anyone ever expects. it's hard to get a grip on the words, and suddenly, his hands move around her waist, easily lifting her off the counter to swing her around and set her on her feet. ]
Why don't we try making that tea again? [ he picks his coat up off the floor and places it across the back of a chair, never one to leave things untidy for too long. then, he turns back to the counter to put the kettle back on himself. he really needs coffee, but he knows all clara has is instant. if she's teaching him tea he's teaching her what real coffee is pronto. without bothering to analyze why, frank finishes cleaning up the mess from earlier and dumps out the tea water to start again, holding up the tea bags to make sure he has the right ones before depositing them into the cups for round two. and then, finally, he turns to lean against the counter to answer her at last. because sometimes he just needs... a minute, and some space, in order to say his piece. ]
I don't think you can't handle it, alright? I know you can. Just don't think you should have to. [ he's a lot to deal with, and he knows it. ]
[Oh my God, he still wants to focus on the tea? Clara looks stunned by that at first, but since she can't very well turn down good tea she sets to work getting out all the things they'll need to prepare it just how she likes. Of course, she knows that he needs the time to gather his thoughts and is just using the tea to deflect and cover up, the same way they both use humor.
She's halfway inside her pantry when he finally speaks again, and though her eyes aren't on him she hears every single word. When she peeks back out and closes the door behind her, she's got a bag of cookies in one hand, and a bag of chips held between her teeth. Once she brings them both over to sit on the counter and her mouth's free, she's able to really address what he's said. Not before nodding toward the snacks to let him know he can have some, of course.]
Yeah, but that's not your decision to make. It's not a matter of have to, not to me. I want to.
[Acting on an urgency to be in close to him again, she steps in until she's right in his personal space. They can still focus on tea even with her standing up in his business, right? That becomes a little more debatable as she first rests her hands on his hips, then slides them up to rest against his shoulders instead. ]
Think your only choice is just letting me do what I want, at this point.
[ a shallow smile crosses his lips as she rummages around for milk and snacks, more or less knowing it would go this way. maybe tea was also an excuse to stick around for a while, not that he'd admit it. he's about to argue with that, he really is. it is his decision whether or not to let her in, but... then she's close to him and pushing closer. a little shiver tracks down his spine in reaction to her hands at his middle, but then her hands push up to his arms and it's all he can do not to melt into a punisher shaped puddle right here. ]
Don't think I could stop you. [ she's a force to be reckoned with, but that's the way he's always liked his women. she has to know already that he'd do anything she ever asked of him in earnest. he can't help himself. but then he slowly comes to the realization that... maybe she doesn't know that. she didn't even know he liked her until moments ago. he reaches out to toy with the hem of her tank top this time, idly rubbing it between his fingers. ] I wanna be with you, too. Dark, gritty, and everything else.
[An eyebrow arches as she feels him toying with her top. Everything is happening quickly, and maybe that's a good reason to put the brakes on and make sure that they don't go too far tonight. Hearing what he wants to be with her the same way she does him makes her arms stretch upward so her hands can press against the back of his head. As she's taking in a sharp breath she guides his forehead down to hers. They just stand there like that, close and sharing each others breaths. It's oddly endearing and likely the most romantic moment she's ever initiated. Just simple acceptance of one another and wanting to be together despite all the odd shit that goes on in their lives.
It's a nice feeling, and she clings hold of it with hope that she can give him something good. He deserves happiness wherever he can find it. Her eyes slide closed and she sweetly kisses him, far more gentle and chaste than the others they've shared.]
Good. Cause there's not a single chance you're getting rid of me now.
[And right then the tea kettle decides to go off, whistling loudly and ruining the moment.]
[ how did clara know forehead touches were frank's love language huh!!!! he feels exposed. but kind of in a good way, actually, obligingly bowing his head until his face rests against hers. it feels nice to just be for a moment, shutting his eyes into the kiss when it happens. ]
This another thing I have no choice on? [ he barely gets through it before the kettle is screaming, and frank automatically disengages to pull the water off the burner. he's... oddly domestic, isn't he? ]
[There's a retort on the tip of her tongue, but it dies off as she watches him move around her kitchen. He certainly is domestic, and it does a good job of making him even more attractive to her. As he gets the kettle and pours the water over the tea bags in the mugs, she very slowly works at eating a cookie. Her eyes never leave him the entire time.
She can imagine them being mundane and domestic together in between their chaotic and dangerous lives, making meals together or her waking up in the morning to find him preparing coffee. Struck with such a strong sense of longing for that kind of life, she smiles like a total idiot as she stands at his side to start dipping the teabags so they're ready faster.]
So. What're your thoughts on dates, Mr. Old Fashioned? I'll let you have a choice on where we have our first one.
[ her impatience is, as always, adorable, but he doesn't say anything, watching her back in that quiet observatory way he has. her smile confuses him, but he doesn't ask about that either. dates. with him? clara wants to be seen in public with frank? he doesn't even like being in public most of the time, but the pressure is on to think of something good when she presses him that way. ]
Do you know how to shoot a gun? [ yes this is the first thing he thinks of. shut up. also you're welcome. what a practical first date this could be!! he's actually proud of himself here. ]
[Somehow, that question doesn't really take her by surprise. She doesn't answer right away, ducking her head to try and hide a coy little smile from him. Leaving the teabags alone for now, she turns and leans back against the counter. Should she pretend she doesn't know how and let him teach her? No, she can't pretend not to do something just for that. Clearly, men love when you are better than they are at something they love.]
I've had some experience with one, yeah. Though one of them was more a giant blaster cannon than a gun, but the point is they both had a trigger and I used them. I've got you covered if you'd like to play around with maces for an hour or so, too.
[The idea of going and shooting guns with Frank is oddly appealing. He'll be at ease and she'll get to show off. What more could she want?]
[ giant blaster cannon. maces?! frank's eyes light like it's christmas morning. this is really happening to him right now. ] Then a .45 shouldn't give you any trouble. What do you say? [ gun date gun date gun date. this is like the best day of his life clara you have no idea. ]
[Oh, he looks so excited. Like a little boy getting a puppy. She couldn't tell him no, even if she wanted to. Which she doesn't, because the idea of a gun date sounds oddly thrilling.
Grinning, she rises up on her tiptoes as she leans in to kiss his cheek.]
Only if you promise not to laugh at me doing it in a dress.
Laugh? [ does she mean pop a boner because he can't promise that a t a ll. ] Why would I laugh? [ u kno, ever. he deadpans, though the reflex to touch his cheek after she kisses him is automatic. ]
Is this leaf water ready or what? [ lay it on him ]
[Frankly, she'd be offended if he didn't pop a boner when watching her with a gun. Thankfully, that doesn't seem like it will be a problem. Unlike the tea, which isn't as dark as she wants it to be but is also as done as her patience will allow. Laughing because how dare he call it leaf water (although accurate), she sets to putting things in said tea to make it taste amazing. Idk what these things are bc Texans only drink iced sweet tea.
When it's all said and done, she holds a mug out for him to take.]
It's better than just leaf water. Give it a chance.
[ english people drink tea with milk okay. lots of milk because they're gross. which is why frank is wrinkling his nose, but shrugging optimistically. ]
Don't tell Micro. [ that he willingly drank tea with her. he'd never hear the end of it!!! frank takes a cautious sip... and well. it's definitely not coffee. and he would probably like it better plain. but he's stuck with it now so here they are. ]
[Oh, he doesn't want anyone to know? Clara pulls her phone out of somewhere and grins as she takes a picture of him drinking tea. She doubts he'll ever do this again, and she wants to always remember that time he suffered through leaf water just because she likes it so much. It's very sweet. Too bad she's busy teasing him.]
Oh, I won't tell him. Can't promise I won't show him though.
[ wooooowwww he manages to make a super offended look + ew gross tea look p much silmultaneously right before she snaps the picture. ] That's not right, Clara.
David is always tired these days. Sleep eludes him even more now that he doesn't have something to worry about; it's too quiet, and the silence echoes throughout his house. Even with Sarah lying next to him, he finds himself blinking awake at every small shift, every creak of the floorboards outside his room whenever Leo or Zach get up to use the bathroom. Things shouldn't be bothering him anymore -- he should be happy, now that he's back with his family, but he always feels like there's something missing, that something is bound to creep up on him and take them away again. But there's nothing left and he wonders if the fact that he keeps expecting something to happen is just as messed up if he were to wish for something to happen.
"Yeah, she found it on Pintrest or something the other day." He sighs despite the tired smile on his face, pouring the liquor into each of their mugs. "It's called Cafe Amore. I should've made this back when we were still taking that French novel class together. Not that it would've helped me any, but maybe I could've gotten some points for effort, you know?"
Now here he is, spending time with Frank instead of his own wife. It isn't even that he doesn't want to be around Sarah, he loves her with all his heart and he can't bear to do any of that to her again. But he also knows that if he had to he would, and he wonders if she would forgive him for it. He wonders if she's ever forgiven him for the first two times. Maybe it'd be easier if she hated him for it instead.
"Here." He slides Frank's over to him, clinks it with his own before taking a sip. Frank's has more of the booze in it because David isn't as hardcore as him or Sarah, but he has come to accept it. He settles down in the chair with the peeling blue paint and admires the vase of orchids on the table; for all intents and purposes, Frank's been doing alright. Which may not be a lot for standards other than David's or Frank's, but it's enough.
[All she does in response is laugh and move the phone up over her head like he might try making a grab for it. But at her 5'1", it's basically laughable because he's so much taller than she is. ]
It's the only picture I have of you. How else am I supposed to remember you during the day when I'm busy?
[ he nods minutely at her description. it sounds good, and it will be all the better because it'll be made by her hand. his breath shakes a little when he exhales, unable to tear his eyes away from hers and sure she can hear his heart thundering loudly because that's how it sounds in his own ears. ]
[ She nods too, barely noticeable. There's something she'd ask him, if she was feeling her usual kind of bold, but right now it feels like she's too fragile to handle being told no, so she stashes the question away, looking down, tucking hair behind her ear. ]
Yeah, I do, thanks. [And thanks to you, she doesn't add because she knows he doesn't want to hear it again. Completely absentmindedly, her fingers toy with the hem of his shirt, flipping it back and forth between thumb and index. ]
Don't think I'm going to sleep again any time soon, though.
Sun's coming up anyway. [ he says like it means something. once he's up he's up too so he gets it. ]
Want me to make some coffee? [ a tiny, involuntary twitch goes through his middle at the way she plays with his shirt, wishing he could shove all those feelings aside and just focus on helping her now. without thinking, his hand comes up to brush some of her sweat-slick hair out of her face. ] You might feel better after a shower, too.
[ Licking her lips, Claire nods, smoothing his shirt down and pulling back a little, managing not to lean into his touch, even though she wants to. Wants to curl up right here, stay safe in his arms.
It's a pretty unusual thought for Claire, and she's quick to shake it off. ]
Yeah. I'll take a quick shower. Coffee would be nice. I could cook you breakfast, if you're hungry.
[ She's not much for domesticity, but she's half Cuban - feeding people is in her very blood. ]
Cafe Amore. He mouths the words, taking the cup from David and sniffing it experimentally. It smells like coffee and booze so he's going for it, taking a long drink as he automatically follows David to the table and sits down with him. There isn't much else to offer the other man, and so he drinks, watching him in silence. The longer he stares the more he sees, and the exhaustion isn't as alarming as everything else he picks out of his expression. How do you sleep? It's still on the tip of his tongue, ready to start a chain reaction the same way it had so many months ago between himself and Jess.
Frank is running over the story about Sarah again, heaving a good natured little sigh. They're a lot like Maria and him used to be. David trying to appease a woman who already loved him for who he was -- or at least, who she thought he was. Frank never could let Maria into the deepest, darkest places of himself and he knows Micro is the same. It isn't like that between the two of them, and maybe that's why David needs him so much. He needs someone who can understand, and who will never find him lacking.
Suddenly, he wants to apologize for staying away. He hates it when Matt especially is right about him, the other man's life such a dumpsterfire it makes the Marine look downright healthy in contrast. He takes another sip without asking, commentating or saying he's sorry. None would add anything to the moment, and so he stays quiet. He's good at not saying anything, the words trapped in the lines of his face anyway. And he knows that David will see them; the same way he sees all of Frank Castle. The way no one else ever has, and probably ever will.
"How was Easter?" he finally asks, seeming like full decades later in his mind. The tip of his steel-toed boot touches David's shoe and he tips his head, knowing that if he thinks hard enough he'll be able to smell the roast chicken. He'll see all of their smiling faces, the same way they look in his dreams before tragedy eventually strikes. And then it's slender fingers in his hair and wide hazel eyes bringing him back from the brink. I set an alarm every four hours. Except when he doesn't. Except when he's too weak to fight it anymore.
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